he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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