My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
