the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
