i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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