bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
