Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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