Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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