I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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