Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
