Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
