so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
