There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
