we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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