My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
