tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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