The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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