I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
