There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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