wanna go halves on a baby?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
