you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
