So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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