I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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