Pants 0. Shit 1.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
