you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
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Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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