Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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