Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
