Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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