your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
