I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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