just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
