omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize