he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
