My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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