watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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