Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shark week go big or go home
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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