I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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