i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
