a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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