Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
