You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
