i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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