break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
