Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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