Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
