I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
