nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
