i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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