We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
