I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
