Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
