is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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