Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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