So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
