he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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