Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
