I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
