he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
