I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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