I think I am morally bankrupt
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
