I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
