Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
