there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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