she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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