Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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