He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
