help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
