The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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