turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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