Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
