i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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