We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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