we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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