dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i can't believe i had my finger in that
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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