y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
