Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
