I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
