Pappa wants mamma naked
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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