So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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