I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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