Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You pole danced in your parka.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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