i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
