you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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