Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
