It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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