Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
