I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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