it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
